An Open Letter to my Migrant Parents

Dear mum and dad,

Today I was at a stationary store, looking for a planner. While I was browsing the options, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder saying with a foreign accent: „Excuse me?“ When I turned around I saw an Asian woman, pointing at something on a piece of paper in her hand. I was almost annoyed at her and just when I was about to tell her that I do not work here, she asked: „What is ballpoint pen?“. I was irritated for a second and just said: “What?!” But then it dawned on me. She had her husband and her young daughter, maybe 6 years old, standing next to her, all three of them looking at me with a shy smile and desperation in their eyes. It looked like they were shopping for the daughter’s school supplies. I opened my bag, took out my own pen, held it up and clicked it a few times pointing at its tip. „This is a ballpoint pen“, I replied and gave her the biggest smile I could to reassure her. After a few confused looks at each other the mother seemed to understand, thanked me and walked off to find her daughter a ballpoint pen.

Remember when I was 6 years old, and we went shopping for my first grade school supplies?

I remember how difficult it was to understand all the unfamiliar words on the piece of paper that was given to us by my primary school. I remember how long it took us to find everything in the huge store with pens and papers that came in all shapes and sizes. I remember how relieved we were when we finally had everything together. But I also remember how embarrassed I felt on my first day of school when it turned out I did not in fact have all the correct supplies. How I was the only student, in a class full of Germans, who had not brought all the right pens and pencils and papers. I remember how I wished my parents weren’t foreign and knew all the things like all the other kids’ parents in my class.

I am sorry. I am sorry for all the times I felt embarrassed about your broken German and your foreign accent. I am sorry for all the times I yelled at you for packing me a Sucuk sandwich for lunch because all the kids made fun of me saying it smelled weird. I am sorry for all the times I got disappointed when you could not help me with my homework. I am sorry for all the times I got angry at you for not buying me a branded school backpack or the newest Nike sneakers. And I am sorry for never truly realising how hard all of this must have been – not just on me – but on you, too.

Ever since moving to Australia by myself, I have started to understand you more and more. I know, it is not the same. Because I am not considered an immigrant. I am considered an expat. I am the girl with the interesting accent, that nobody can quite figure out. People do not roll their eyes at me or start speaking louder as if I was stupid when I ask them to repeat what they said because I did not understand the first time. I am the girl with the adventurous story, not the one that poses a threat. I don’t look alien to them.

But still, I am different from them and every day has its struggles. It is not always easy fitting in, learning all the ins and outs of the country’s system, customs and everyday life. People here might be as “Western” as Germans but they are different in many ways. Each day feels like a linguistic and cultural minefield. I came here thinking my English is great, but there are so many words I do not understand, so many jokes that go above my head and so many references that I truly don’t get. My days are filled with a lot of awkward giggles and nods (and me having no clue what was said) or me saying something completely stupid because I thought it meant something else. They are filled with me trying to catch up to all the other people around me at work, constantly feeling like I have to put in twice the effort.

I understand now that moving to a new country by yourself and starting a new life takes guts. And more so, when you do it out of necessity, to take care of your family, to escape from horrors in your home country or to provide a better future for your kids. What is me not understanding a joke at work when you – and so many other people who have moved to a foreign country for the same reasons – had to completely start from scratch, not even being able to understand a single word of the language? Trying your best to fit into a society that was not waiting for you with open arms and was not interested in your story, but that belittled you and laughed at your different way of saying things. 

I am in awe of how you mastered to speak the language, how you were able to feed four mouths, how you dealt with us never being content with what we had but always wanting more, how you didn’t let the belittlement of others get you down and how you kept fighting for us. Thank you for never giving up and giving us a better chance at life. I will not waste it.

Whenever I feel down because work has been overwhelming again or life feels tough, I will always remember what you had to go through so I could be here. I will remember that thanks to you I have had the luxury and privilege to travel to so many places, get to know people from different cultures and start a new life anywhere in the world – not because I had to – but simply because I wanted to.

Things I Love and Hate about living in Australia

Hello friends and fellow wanderers!

Having lived in Australia for the past two years, one of the most frequent questions I get asked by friends and family back home is why I decided to stay in Australia and what is so great about living on the other side of the world. There are many personal reasons why I decided to stay and I wouldn’t want to bore you with all the mushy details but I have tried to create a list with the top 5 things that I love about living in Melbourne, Australia. However – and I have already said this in one of my previous blog posts – no place on earth is ever perfect so get ready to hear some not so great things (first world problems alert!) about living in the land down under. Disclaimer: Some of these things are closely related to Melbourne only and may not represent other cities in Australia.

‘Expat Syndrome’ is a condition whereby many expatriates see mostly either the best of their own nationality and the worst of the locals, or see the opposite. – T Crossley

The Things I love 

1. The People

One of the main reasons I love living in Australia is because of its people. In my experience, people in Australia are so much more easy going than people in Germany. Aussies (and by Aussies I mean all people who were born in Australia or grew up here, regardless of their background) generally have such an open, friendly and positive nature.

Coming from Germany, the land of perpetual naggers and grumps, it is so refreshing to walk into a store and have one of the retail staff chit chat with you about Lorde’s new album. In Germany, you are lucky to even get a ‘Hello’ when you walk into a store most of the time. Aussies love their small talk and a ‘Hi’ is almost always followed by a ‘How are you?’ or ‘How has your day been?’. Some people might say it is superficial but to me it doesn’t even matter if they actually mean it or not. It is polite and lightens up the conversation. Personally, I would choose some friendly but possibly superficial small talk over honest but cold silence any day.

Aussies also sure like to have fun and are very open to making new friends! Now, I am not saying that Germans don’t, trust me I have made great friends for life back in Germany. But ever since moving to Australia, I noticed that generally people here are more open to speaking to strangers, are more spontaneous and do not overthink things as much as people in Germany.

I feel like people in Germany have a somewhat robotic behaviour in everyday life and the common motto is: “There must be order!” especially in the public space. There is no room for human interaction if it is not necessary for the transaction itself. But before you think I am bad-mouthing Germans, I would like to clarify that a) this is just a simplified generalisation and there are always exceptions to the rule and b) I am not saying Germans are bad people. They can be very kind, fair, honest and reliable friends. It is just more difficult to get past the practicalities and form a deeper human connection with them, which I have found to be a lot easier with people here in Australia.

2. Cultural Diversity

The longer I have lived here, the more I have come to realise that Australia is a true nation of immigrants. This has become more and more evident the more I have spoken to people and listened to their stories.

Funny story: My mom was in Melbourne recently to visit me and when we picked her up from the airport, the first thing she asked me in a very pure and honest way was: “What do Australians actually look like? I have seen so many people from many different countries and wasn’t sure what ‘typical’ Australians look like.” At first, I thought her question was funny, but after thinking about it I realised she has a fair point.

I am sure most of you are somewhat familiar with Australia’s history including aboriginal history and the British colonisation by mainly convicts. What I personally did not know before and found particularly interesting is that currently, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, Australia has the highest proportion of its population born overseas of any country. Yep, you read that correctly, of ANY country.

According to a census published in 2017 „nearly half (49%) of all Australians were either born overseas (first generation) or have at least one parent born overseas (second generation). The remaining 51% were at least third generation – born in Australia to Australian-born parents.“ I will tag the article below for anybody who is interested.

Even coming from Berlin which is known for being ‘Multikulti’, I was pleasantly surprised at the variety of people from different cultures and ethnicities coming together in Melbourne. I have met so many people who have revealed that either themselves, their parents or grandparents are from Greece, Italy, Turkey etc. And there are also many first and second generation migrants from Asian countries such as China, Vietnam, Philippines, India etc.

Being a migrant myself and an avid traveller, I love living in a city which is so culturally diverse, connecting with people from different backgrounds and learning more about their stories, families and traditions that also reflect so much in everyday life. 

3. The Food

This might be more specific to Melbourne and not a generally Australian thing considering Melbourne is often referred to as the culinary capital of the country, but the food here is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

To be clear, I am not talking about the food that is typically considered ‘Australian’ like meat pies, snags on toast or lamingtons (I have never tried them seeing as I am vegan) – BUT Melbourne has such a variety of delicious foods from all over the world thanks to its so culturally diverse population.

From Italian to Indian to Greek food (btw, did you know Melbourne has the largest Greek population outside of Greece?), there is soooo much delicious food that when people visiting from overseas ask me for recommendations or my favourite restaurant, I start stuttering, just because I could not possibly decide.

And don’t even get me started on the Asian food here. From flavoursome Pho, to delicious Hot Pot to traditional Dim Sums, Melbourne will take you on a culinary journey through Asia – with all the authentic flavours minus the diarrhoea (sorry – I had to say it).

Oh and have I mentioned Melbourne is one of the most vegan-friendly cities in the world? It is no wonder I am having a hard time trying to maintain my weight here lol.

4. The Nature and Wildlife

It is no secret that Australia is famous for its gorgeous National parks, pristine beaches with clear turquoise waters and powdery white sands and its very exotic wildlife including Kangaroos, Koalas and Kookaburras. It might be a cliché but this is definitely one of the reasons I love living here.

I love how Melbourne is so close to the ocean and I can literally jump on my bike and ride down to Port Melbourne or St Kilda Beach within 30 minutes whenever I need to clear my head and want to breathe in the ocean breeze.

I love how I can go on spontaneous road trips on the weekends to escape the city life as there are so many beautiful national parks, mountains, lakes, small towns, wineries and beaches in such close vicinity to Melbourne.

I love watching the colourful birds – that you would only see as pets in cages back in Germany – in their natural habitat which come in all colours imaginable – from pink to yellow to red and green and blue.

I love going hiking in the woods, climbing rocks and crossing rivers. I still get excited every time I see a Kangaroo hopping down the endless fields and I still always keep an eye out to see a Wombat or Echidna. I have always thought of myself as a city girl but having all this beautiful nature and wild life around me is the best thing I never knew I needed.

5. The Climate

The Sydneysiders, Perthies and Brisbanians are probably going to laugh at this one considering the weather in Melbourne is probably the worst out of all of Australia (except for maybe Tasmania??) but coming from Germany where we have freezing cold, grey and endless winters that lead to all the grumpiness and what we call “winter depression”, the weather in Melbourne is actually like a walk in the park in comparison. Sure, we do have a winter here as well but the temperatures almost never drop below 7°C, there is no snow in the city that turns to a grey and muddy mess and winter actually does not last for longer than 3-4 months.

“When you move from one country to another you have to accept that there are some things that are better and some things that are worse, and there is nothing you can do about it.” – B Bryson

The things I hate

Now that I have covered all things good I am ready to get to the bad and ugly in true German ‘I-know-this-is-a-first-world-problem-but-I-will-complain-anyway’ fashion. Cause let’s be real Australia might be the lucky country but it is far from perfect.

1. Online Shopping and Delivery

Maybe it is due to the fact that Australia is literally a giant island in the middle of the ocean on the other side of the freaking world. Or maybe Australia Post is just sh*t. Probably both. But living in Australia definitely has ruined online shopping for me.

Many things are not available in Australia and have to be shipped from overseas and a) take foreeeeeever to arrive (10-30 days) and b) sometimes do not even get delivered because some idiot delivery guy has decided it is safe to drop my parcel out in the open in the mailroom of a 300 unit apartment building that every resident has free access to. But even delivery within Australia can sometimes take a week or longer.

Oh yeah, and Amazon is not really a thing here. Long gone are the days of ordering heaps of stuff from Asos Premium or Amazon Prime and having it delivered within 24 hours. If any of you have suggestions for good online stores in Australia, please let me know – I would be happy to be corrected.

2. Everything. Is. Freaking. Expensive.

I knew that Australia would be more expensive than Germany before I arrived but I almost fell from my chair the first time I ate out in Melbourne. On my first day, I went to have breakfast on Acland Street in St Kilda with some friends I had met at my hostel the night before. When we sat down and I looked at the menu I could not believe my eyes: $20 AUD for a granola bowl with berries?! What the hell is the granola made from? Diamonds?

I felt the same shock when I ordered a beer at a rooftop bar in Fitzroy. $12 AUD for a beer? Surely, that must have been a mistake? No? It’s normal here? Ok, no problem. *one single tear running down my face*

And what the hell was up with the prices for Avocados? Remember, when one avocado was $4 AUD at Woolies? Every millennials nightmare. Luckily, at least those prices have dropped within the past two years.

But it’s not just food and drinks that are expensive. Rental prices in the CBD of Melbourne are crazy high. $2000 AUD per month for a one-bedroom apartment is the average. If you don’t wanna live in a shoebox you can either sell a kidney or you gotta be ready to move to Broadmeadows and die. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a little bit but yeah rental prices are quite high in the city and inner suburbs especially in comparison to Berlin.

Travelling around in Australia is naturally as expensive. Honestly, it is no wonder that there are literally backpackers living under bridges and eating pasta and tuna out of a can all day every day. Whenever you see someone sleeping on the street, you can play a game of “bum or backpacker” and you will probably lose – that’s how bad it is in some cases. And I don’t mean any disrespect to actual homeless people.

Studying is unbelievably pricey as well, especially as an international student where you have to pay the school fees upfront or per semester. I have a friend who has paid $40,000 AUD for her Masters – and that was one of the cheapest courses available. Australia is one of the most expensive countries in the world when it comes to university costs with the average tuition fee for one year being over $30,000 AUD.

Some other things that are super expensive: government processes such as visa and partnership registrations, parking tickets and penalties in general, cigarettes and so much more.

I know, I know, the average salary in Australia is higher than in Germany and labour is more expensive blah blah. But I still think some of the things I have mentioned are disproportionately high-priced. It has definitely been an adjustment for me to get used to the price difference between Berlin and Melbourne.

3. Public Transport

If any of my friends from Berlin are reading this I would like to say count your blessings! I know Berliners love to hate on the BVG BUT the BVG actually loves you, the PTV in Melbourne does NOT love us. The public transport system in Melbourne is simply bad and outdated. There is no better way to say it.

The frequency of  trains and trams is very low, they are rarely on time, the trams are ancient (seriously you have to pull on a string to let the driver know you want to get off??), a lot of the times the stops are not announced clearly on the trams, the whole system with the Myki cards is set up for failure and all that for a relatively high price. Oh, but we have a ‘Free Tram Zone’ in the CBD. Smh. What Melbourne needs is an improved public transport system not a free bad one.

This is not just bad for my mood in the mornings when I need to get to work but also bad for the environment as it leads to more people relying on owning a car. Did you know that Australia is in the top ten of countries with the highest amount of vehicles per capita? Not surprising at all.

What do you think of this list? Can you relate to any of these points or do you completely disagree with any of them? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Sources:

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/jun/27/australia-reaches-tipping-point-with-quarter-of-population-born-overseas

https://australianuniversities.click/tuition-fees-international-students/

How to apply for a visa in Australia

Hello friends and fellow wanderers!

I know it has been a long time since my first (and only) post and to be honest, finding the time and inspiration to write a blog is much harder than I thought it would be, especially when life gets in the way.

My partner, Anthony, and I have been through a bit of a nerve-wrecking period lately and the reason for that was the fear of me having to leave Australia and having to return to Germany. I have been on a student visa for the past year and my studies have come to an end in February (hallelujah). But this also meant that my visa would be expiring at the end of March. Of course, we knew the day my visa was going to expire was slowly coming and we had already made plans to apply for a partner visa. But we had no freaking idea that applying for a partner visa would be so complicated and time consuming. Regardless, we finally did it! Yay! We finally lodged our application and I will not have to return to Germany just yet. There is still a lot of evidence to upload but at least we have already sent in the most important documents. And now the waiting game begins.

Which brings me to why I am writing this blog post. In the past 2-3 months, all I have been doing is thinking about is my visa. How boring, I thought. Nobody wants to read about that, right? Trust me, I would rather write about the best brunch spots in Melbourne and my favourite day trips in Victora and all the good and fun things in life. But as we all know, life is not always fun and definitely not always easy. Part of life as a traveller or expat is dealing with visa matters and ensuring you are legally allowed to stay in your country of choice. And then, the other day, my friend from Germany (shout-out to my Ginger spice Zeli) asked me for advice for her friend who would like to come to Australia for a gap year and so I thought this topic might actually be of interest to some of you after all.

Ever since coming to Australia, I have applied for three different visas (four, if you count the e-visitor visa I organised for my mum to visit me) and each process has been similar in some ways but very different in others. I know there is tons of information available on the internet about visa requirements, application processes and visa conditions but I would like to give you a little insight into my own experiences with each visa and difficulties to consider. Please note that obviously I am not a migration agent and this is just supposed to be general information based on my own experience.

I will try my best to keep it short and cover the following three visa types:

  1. In my first year I was here on a Working Holiday Visa (subclass 417).
  2. The second year I have applied for a Student Visa (subclass 500).
  3. And now, in my third year, after having found my soulmate and favourite human, I have applied for a Partner Visa (subclass 820) so I can stay here with him permanently.

The Working Holiday Visa (WHV)

A bit over two years ago, my journey started with the WHV. Besides the tourist visa, this one is probably one of the easiest ones to apply for if you are from an eligible country. I do know that some countries like Brazil or Austria do not participate in the working holiday program and are therefore not eligible. Since I am from Germany, and it is common knowledge that Mallorca is our 17th and Australia our 18th state, the working holiday visa was super easy to apply for and get. As with all Australian visa applications, you can simply apply online and just need to provide your identity documents and personal details as well as have to pay a fee of $450 AUD before you can submit.

I received my WHV immediately. I received it so fast in fact, that I did not even realise I had received the visa grant via email already and started stressing after a few weeks as I thought it might get declined. After double-checking my inbox, it dawned on me that I had already gotten the grant within two minutes of applying – silly me.

Once the visa is granted, you can enter the country any time within 12 months. The visa comes into effect on the day you enter Australia and allows you to stay for 12 months. It gives you full working rights with the only restriction that you cannot work with the same employer for more than 6 months. And if you can’t get enough of the beautiful country that is Australia, you can do your farm work for 88 days (different requirements for certain countries) and apply for the second WHV. Too easy, right? Except in my case, I didn’t plan on staying for a second year and ended up not doing my farm work. But then, when my first year was almost over I realised that I was not ready to go home yet. But by that time, it was obviously too late to do the farm work.

The Student Visa

Since I knew I was not eligible for the second WHV, I started looking for alternatives and the best one for me seemed to be a student visa. I actually got approached on Facebook by a marketing officer of the college I later ended up enrolling in and it all started from there.

Studying in Australia is generally quite expensive especially for international students. Before you decide to apply for a student visa you should therefore be aware that it is definitely a more expensive process than getting a simple WHV or doing the farm work for a second year visa.

I have decided to enrol at a college for a Diploma of Project Management, simply because I thought project management skills would be transferable to any kind of career I might want to pursue in the future. And I also chose a diploma because I could not justify doing my Masters in Australia for tens of thousands of Dollars while it is free in my home country.

The course I ended up enrolling in was $7000 AUD in total for one year. I had to pay $1300 AUD upfront and could pay off the rest on a monthly basis. Then there is also the student health insurance which was around $850 AUD. And then there is the application fee for the visa which is $575 AUD. I also hired a migration agent, simply because I did not want the headache and that cost me another $600 AUD. So in total, I paid around $9000 AUD to be able to stay in Australia for one more year (I know right? Should’ve done the farm work – sigh).

As to the process itself, I am sure it could have been done without a migration agent but my laziness got the best of me. Since my agent processed the whole application for me, I am not sure about all the steps but the main thing I do remember is having to send my agent a one page motivation letter explaining in detail why I would like to study in Australia, why I have chosen that particular institution and (as my migration agent emphasized) outlining my intention and plans to return to my own country (which at that stage I genuinely had). I was also asked to send him my travel history of my past travels and confirming that I had sufficient funds to support myself even if I did not find a job.

My migration agent explained to me that there are two main factors that determine whether the student visa gets granted or not. First, the country you are from. If you are from a so called “high-risk country” then the chances of getting a grant is lower. Second, the institution where you chose to study. Apparently, there are some colleges and schools that have a very bad reputation of just wanting to make money off of international students and do not actually provide any education in return. The Australian government is targeting those types of fraudulent institutions to ensure only genuine students abiding by the visa requirements are coming in to the country.

Applicants from certain countries are required to undertake a health examination and also provide proof of sufficient funding. In my case, I did not have to provide any further proof of funds or health and got the visa granted within 3 weeks or so after lodgement.

The student visa comes with one restriction that has been a major pain in my butt for the past year. You are only allowed to work up to 20 hours per week and it can be quite difficult to find a job in anything other than hospitality and retail. If you are thinking about only getting by with the money you earn after finding a job, let me tell you that is almost impossible (unless you do a cash-in-hand job, which some people do). Having enough savings is definitely a vital part of studying in Australia and if I could go back I would probably think twice before doing it.

The Partner Visa

And now ladies and gentlemen, let’s get to the ultimate pain in the butt, the notorious, the one and only: Partner Visa. Maybe I am being a bit dramatic but trust me you would be too, if you had to spend day and night researching the requirements, digging into every single detail of your own past, compiling relationship evidence and stressing about the uncertainty and outcome of it all.

Let me give you a quick summary of what the partner visa is and who can apply for it. A partner visa is, as the name suggests, a visa where your partner agrees to sponsor you, so you can both settle in Australia and live happily ever after (yay love!). When you apply for the partner visa (subclass 820) which will give you full living and working rights for 2 years, you are also automatically applying for a permanent visa (subclass 801) meaning after those two years you can be granted to stay in the country indefinitely. Sounds great, right?

But of course, as with any country, Australia will not allow just anyone to be granted this visa and there are a lot of hoops to jump through before a decision is made on your case.

Firstly, the visa application process is quite expensive. The application itself costs $7160 AUD (plus a surcharge based on payment method) and additionally you have to pay for documents such as police certificates and translations of documents from overseas etc.

Secondly, the process is confusing as hell. A lot of the instructions are vague, unclear and outdated and sometimes you even find contradicting information. It seems like immigration is still in the process of transitioning from a paper based application to a full online application but it has not yet updated all the instructions found online. In any case, it takes a lot of research (thank god for Facebook groups!) to understand what is actually required and what it is supposed to look like.

Thirdly, as I have already mentioned earlier, it is very time consuming. You have to fill out all the forms, find out exact dates of previous employments, addresses you have lived in as well as all travels in the past ten years. And you have to do all of that for both the sponsor and the applicant. You have to write relationship statements outlining every single aspect of your relationship, you have to compile photos and screenshots, joint bills and bank statements and the list goes on and on. Basically, you have to do everything in your power to prove to the case officer that you are in a genuine, continuing and committed relationship to the exclusion of all others. And a simple boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship is not sufficient. You have to be in a defacto relationship meaning you must have lived together for at least 1 year and share household and financial responsibilities, pretty much like a married couple. But don’t think simply getting married will change much. You will still need to go through the same process as any other couple.

After filling in the online form and paying the fee, the application can be submitted and you get a bridging visa A. This bridging visa allows you to live in Australia, have full working rights and even apply for Medicare. But this is where the actual hard part starts. The uncertainty. Currently the processing time for the partner visa is between 21 and 28 months! During that time you stay on the bridging visa A and have to apply for a bridging visa B every time you want to leave the country. It is also difficult to find an employment on a bridging visa that is not just a job but a career. Many employers do not want to take the risk of hiring someone that could potentially have to leave the country any time once their visa gets declined or their relationship ends. A lot of big companies do not even consider anybody who is not a permanent resident or Australian citizen. You kind of have to come to terms that you might have to put your own professional life on hold and there is a lot of uncertainty and anxiety about the future.

I never thought I would be here at this stage. I never planned this. When I first came to Australia, I intended to stay for nine months, then return just in time to enrol for my Masters with my spot already waiting for me back in Germany. Then nine months turned into a year, a year turned into two years and now I have decided to make this my forever home with my partner for life. The first year was easy, the second year not so much and the third year, I am sure will be even more difficult. But in the end, it is all worth it because I get to go through life with my favourite human in the world by my side. There is no place I would rather be.

If you are thinking about coming to Australia or are currently in the process of extending your stay here, feel free to ask me any questions you may have regarding the visa process! If you have already been through a stressful visa process I would love to hear your experiences with this!

I hope you guys like this post and hopefully I can move on to topics that are more fun than this one!

xoxo,

-Ekin

5 Things I’ve Learned from Traveling and Living Abroad

Hello friends and fellow wanderers!

Yesterday marked my second anniversary of living on the other side of the world. On the 14th January 2017, I packed my backpack – yes I am a last minute packer – and jumped on a plane with a one-way ticket to Melbourne, Australia. Sounds very brave and adventurous but thinking back to that day, I clearly remember the anxiety and fear I felt before I actually boarded that plane. In fact, I was so afraid that I was literally crying my eyes out while my older brother drove me to the airport and once we arrived I begged him to stay with me until I had checked in at the counter and walked through security. In all the time leading up to that day, I had been so excited and could not wait to finally leave Berlin. Why was I suddenly sobbing and trembling with anxiety? Because in that moment all the uncertain things lying ahead swarmed in my head like a flock of hungry seagulls feeding on all the courage I had mustered up to get there.

What if I would not be able to find any friends? What if I would miss my family too much?  What if I could not find a job and would not be able to pay for accommodation and food and eventually would have to return and admit to myself and everyone else that I had failed at my dream to travel overseas? So many what ifs. In that moment, all I wanted to do was cancel everything and jump back in the car with my brother and have him drive me back to the safe comfort of my home. Luckily, he had some words of encouragement for me and despite all my fears and the big clump in my throat, I checked-in at the counter, went through security and got on that damn plane.

Now, exactly two years later, I would like to share the 5 things I have learned by going on this journey that seemed so scary in the beginning but don’t worry this is not just another “I found myself and my true calling” story.

1. Fear is only in your head

My first time traveling solo was about 4 years ago spending 2 weeks in Thailand. In Koh Phangan I met a cool guy from Switzerland. He was in the military and a real daredevil adrenaline junkie who was always looking for a challenge, whether that was participating in the flaming skipping rope on Haad Rin beach, taking part in a pull up challenge or doing backflips from the Slip’N’Fly water slide. Every time he was about to do one of these daring things, he would dramatically turn around, look you in the eyes and with his strong French accent he would say: “Fear is only in your head”. Now I know there are many quotes from great thinkers and poets with the same message but something about the way he said it, with such determination and a cheeky grin, got stuck in mind and it has become a mantra that I have been repeating to myself over the years and even more so, since I have started my journey two years ago.

Fear is only in your head. In my experience, fear sometimes has very little to do with the actual situation but can be something that you do to yourself by having fearful thoughts and expectations. Especially when it comes to future scenarios of things that may happen.

Now, don’t get me wrong – there are many shades of fear and some fears are based on our instincts to protect us from actual danger. If you are in the middle of nowhere and face a brown snake that is hissing at you – that fear is legit yo and you better run.

But, sometimes non-dangerous events that require us to get out of our comfort zone can cause us to feel fear or what we call anxiety, such as finding friends, a new job or even starting your first ever travel blog. What I have learned is, oftentimes it turns out that there was no reason to be afraid in the first place.

Traveling and living abroad by myself has definitely made me become more fearless. Even though a lot of things still scare me (hell, I am still scared to drive a freaking car), I do believe I have become better at identifying my fears, facing them and getting out of my comfort zone.

I have walked up to complete strangers and invited myself to tag along with them to parties, something that the old shy me would have never ever done. I have sat alone in restaurants many times, without embarrassment. I have applied for countless new jobs, got many rejections but also got hired many times. I have jumped out of a plane – Sure, I may have passed out for a second but when I woke up it was awesome! I went scuba diving with 4 meter long manta rays and reef sharks and jumped from cliffs and so much more.

You are much stronger than you think and where there is a will there is always a way. Sometimes you just have to push yourself to get out of your bubble to find out.

2. You will lose friends (but will also find great new ones)

One of the hardest things I had to learn is that not everyone back home will understand or support your journey. Not everyone will let you evolve and experience every single bit of your new adventures and your new life. Not everyone will accept that you are not able to stay in touch with them every single day.

In my first year in Australia – during my time on a working holiday visa – I was constantly out and about, taking in all the new impressions, exploring, making new friends, trying to find a job, a new apartment, working, working, working, saving, and traveling. That does not make it easy to keep in touch daily and sometimes not even weekly. This on top of the great time difference between Germany and Australia (currently 10 hours) would sometimes lead to a week or two going past without me speaking to anyone from back home besides some text messages here and there.

I have to say I have a small group of amazing friends back home who have been truly supportive and always have words of admiration and encouragement for the path that I have chosen and every time we talk or see each other again it is as if nothing has changed at all. But there are also friends, who do not understand or encourage, friends that put blame on you despite your best efforts and try to talk you out of your dream. Friends, who you thought you were close to and then suddenly you are not.

Luckily the supportive friends outweighed the non-supportive ones in my experience. And of course, I have made some amazing new friends – not just in Melbourne but all over the world.

3. You are your own best friend

Speaking of amazing friends, another thing I realised is, no matter how supportive your friends and family are and no matter how close you are with someone, the best friend you will ever have is – without a single doubt – yourself.

Before I started traveling solo, I did not like being alone. I felt like I always had to have someone around me: my family, my friends or my partner. I wanted to do so many things and go on adventures but I never wanted to do these things by myself because I thought it would not be as enjoyable as sharing it with someone. But, oftentimes it turned out that my family, friends or ex-partner did not want to do the same things I wanted to do and I would have to compromise my wishes for theirs. Most of the time I would end up not doing the things I wanted because I did not want to do them alone.

While compromising and sharing experiences with your loved ones is a beautiful thing, there is also something wonderfully liberating about being able to make decisions by yourself and enjoying your own company. Do I want to go out and socialise with other people tonight? Do I want to check out that temple that I have heard so much about? Or do I just want to lie on the beach by myself and read my book? For the first time in my life, I could do whatever I wanted and I actually enjoyed doing it by myself. Nobody will understand you better than yourself and this does not just apply to daily choices like going to the beach but extends to life choices in general.

Traveling and moving abroad by yourself teaches you to trust yourself, your instincts, your gut feeling and you actually learn to enjoy your own company more.

4. I am more German than I thought I was

I am not sure if any of my German friends with a “migration background” will be able to relate to this one. Growing up in Germany with a Turkish background I never felt like I was really typically “German”. Sure, I have a German passport, went to school in Germany, had German friends and ate German food from time to time, but I always considered myself a mix of both with the Turkish side being more dominant. Obviously, I also thought I was only combining the best traits of both cultures. Sometimes, I would even make fun of Germans for certain traits like being annoyingly pedantic and perennial complainers.

Guess, what? Ever since I have moved abroad, I have caught myself on multiple occasions complaining about people not abiding by the rules – which is the single most German thing to do lol. I hate going to Saunas here because seeing people wear their swimwear and not putting a towel where they sit makes my blood boil. When people ask me where I am from, I automatically say Germany. When people speak about football (or soccer, as my Aussie and American friends call it) I proudly announce how great the German team is (and then get embarrassed when they lose). I complain about the supposed ‘wholemeal’ breads they sell at Coles or Woolies and tell people about the amazing DINKELSCHROTBROT we have back in Germany. You get the gist. Funny, how it took moving halfway across the globe to finally come to terms with the German side within me.

5. All your problems will not magically disappear

We have all been there, maybe you are going through a bad break up or you are stuck in a nine-to-five job you hate or you are about to finish your studies and have no clue what you want to do with your life. Most travelers and expats I have met all have one thing in common: they have left their home country to either escape from something or to “find themselves”. While traveling or even moving abroad is a wonderful life experience, it will not fix all the problems you have had back home. It will fill your life with amazing adventures and memories and in the process you will learn so much about yourself and life BUT if you think all the issues you have had before will magically vanish into thin air, I have news for you, they probably won’t.

Before I left Berlin, I was not very happy with my life. I was just about to finish uni but started questioning my degree and had no clue what I wanted to do after graduating. I felt like I had no purpose, just living from day to day. On top of that, I was going through a tough break up at the time. Although, traveling did help me get over the break up a lot faster than I probably would have if I had stayed back home with all the memories and common friends, I still had to do most of the healing internally. I would be lying if I said, I did not spend endless nights sulking in hostel beds and throwing myself the occasional pity party even if I was in some of the most beautiful places in the world. It is just not as easy as out of sight out of mind. Same goes for knowing what I wanted to do with my life and finding a purpose. Two years later, as I am settling down in Australia, guess what? I am still trying to figure it out.

I have had friends tell me how jealous they are of my life and that they wish they could do what I did because they are so unhappy with their monotone job and life back in Germany. As much as I believe leaving Berlin was one of the best decisions I have ever made, it does not mean it has been easy or that my life is perfect now. It is far from it.

Life will always come up with new problems. Traveling and especially trying to build a new life abroad comes with its own set of challenges. Trust me, I am having a mini mental breakdown every two weeks, I know what I am talking about. You cannot escape your problems by backpacking through Asia nor by moving halfway across the globe. Sooner or later, you will have to face them and figure out why you are unhappy with your life. Is it really just the circumstances and the place you are in or is it your own mindset that you have to work on? Or maybe it is both. In any case, traveling is not the one and only ultimate way to happiness (as many people seem to think it is), if you are not willing to work on yourself in the process.

These are the top 5 things I have personally learned and I am sure some people might disagree. If you have read this far, I would love to hear your thoughts. Is there anything on this list that you can relate to? Or anything you cannot relate to at all? Let me know in the comments.

Xoxo,

-Ekin